Arnab : "As the 'Anti-Superstition' bill is on the verge of getting accepted in the parliament, it seems that the dark days for 'Babas' have started!*Smiles*. Tonight on Newshour, THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW, 'What will these so called 'Babas' and 'Dhongi Sadhus' do after the bill is brought into action?'
Joining me tonight on Newshour are my panelists, Please welcome 'Baba Amjad Khan (Ajmer Wale)', Mr. Aasram, live from Jodhpur Central Jail. I wont' call him a Bapu now! Also joining me on the show are Mr. Nirmal Baba and Miss Radhe Ma. I welcome you all on The Newshour.
Arnab : (Raising his voice deliberately) So my first question goes to Baba Amjad Khan. Mr. Amjad, what would you do once the bill is passed in the parliament? I've seen your posters in local trains claiming to offer solutions on any problem in the world right from 'Shaadi, Pyaar, Naukri' to 'Santaan Prapti' & 'Dhan Prapti'! So give me a solution to my question.
Baba Amjad Khan : ( stops the uttering of unusual chants from his mouth) "Ye sarasar anyay hai!" "Hum iska kada virodh kartey hai" "I'll....
Arnab : (Interrupts him in between) See, thats the problem with you. You only know to criticize the policies of the government and do nothing worthy in general. "Virodh Karna" isn't a specific answer Mr. Khan. You should be more specific.
Baba Amjad Khan : "Wohi toh main kehna chahta tha, ki agar ye bill pass ho gaya toh 'grahon' ki dishaayein badal jaayengi, Aur..."
Arnab : ( Iterrupts again) Mr. Khan sorry to interrupt you whatever you're saying is absolutely absurd. We're not here to listen your pravachans. You're running away from my questions, I can sense that...
Baba Amjad Khan : But.. Arnab : (Escalates his tone of voice) Oh! There you go, you're not allowed ro used 'ifs' and 'buts' here. You're only allowed to answer my question.
Nirmal Baba : (raising his hand) Arnab, Arnab..please listen to me, Arnab... We're also present in this debate.
Arnab : OKAY. Nirmal Baba has to say something, but before that I'd like to ask him some straight questions. Tell me Mr. Nirmal, what would you do if this bill gets passed?
Nirmal Baba : "Arnab, I'd like to aks you a question my son! Kya aapne kabhi maun vrat dhaaran karke dekha hai? Aap ye....."
Arnab : (Interrpts Abruptly) Look Mr. Nirmal, let me get this straight. I'M NOT YOUR SON! And you're not allowed to ask questions to me. This is Newshour, not your 'Samagam' where you can keep asking those foolish & stupid questions. Answer my question first.
Radhe Maa : "Arnab, Arnab...may I say something.."
Arnab : One at a time Miss Radhe, one at a time..You'll get your chance. So answer me Mr. Nirmal.
Nirmal Baba : "Okay. I was thinking that.."
Arnab : (Interrupts again) 'Thinking'? What are you going tothink Mr. Nirmal? The fact here is crystal clear that you're afraid of this questions thats the reason you're all playing with words like 'thinking','but', 'ifs' etc. etc. Nevermind, the NATION IS WATCHING YOU GUYS...
Radhe Ma : "Arnab, Arnab..can you hear me Arnab..."
*Arnab ignores her purposely* Nirmal Baba : "But I was saying that.."
Arnab : Mr. Nirmal there are other panelists waiting for their turn,you may SHUT UP now. Lets me ask Miss Radhe Maa some questions..
*Radhe Maa removes the mic and leaves the show saying "This man is a scumbag! Iss show par aakar galti kar di maine!"*
Arnab : As you can see she probably did'nt have the answers to my straight questions and the guts to face the nation. She feared it may tarnish her image, but let me clarify, running away from questions won't help. You've to answer the nation! Be it now or later! *Laughs*
Arnab : Moving over to Mr. Asaram who's having a gala time there in Jodhpur Central Jail! So Mr. Asaram can you hear me?
Asaram : *Smiles sheepishly* "Yes Arnab I can hear you...How are you?.."
Arnab : ( Interrupts) If you're under the wrong impression that asking me about my health and well being will help you escape from my questions, then YOU'RE MISREBLY WRONG! Mr. Asaram let me get straight to the point, what do you feel about this 'Anti-Superstition' bill?
Asaram : "Its absolute nonsense..it should be torn and thrown in the dustbin...thats what I feel.."
Arnab : *Raising his voice ferociously* THERE YOU GO! YOU JUST MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE BY SAYING SO. Mr. ASARAM,YOU'RE ALREADY FACING CHARGES OF RAPE AND SEXUAL ABUSE, HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT THE BILL!!
Asaram : "But you only asked me my opinion.. And I was.."
Arnab : Stop throwing excuses and blaming others for your own fault. You admit you were wrong and apologize to this nation right away!
Asaram : Okay. I admit I was wrong and I'm sorry for what I said about the bill. *Thinking : Sigh! Ab toh jaan chooti!*
Arnab : So what? So what If you're sorry? You think you're doing a favour by apologizing??
Asaram : "I was just.."
Arnab : NO..... NO! Mr. Asaram ler me complete first. So what if you're sorry? It doesn't take away the stupid words you said about the bill...Let me clear the air here, you're guilty and the nation knows it. No need for any apology, they're never going to accept it anyway from a pervert like you!
*Meanwhile Baba Amjad Khan and Nirmal Baba quitely remove their respective microphones and leave the show terrified*
Asaram : "But I didn't mean .."
Arnab : (Cutinng his words midway) THANK YOU FOR COMING ON NEWSHOUR MR. ASARAM! YOU MAY LEAVE NOW!
*disconnects him before he could say any word*
Arnab : *Flashes his typical 'F**k You' smile* So let me come back to you both Mr. Nirmal and Mr. Amjad Khan (Ajmer Wale). You both have not yet answered my questions yet!
*correspondent enters in from the background*
Correspondent : Sir they've already left the show when you were thrashing Asaram.
Arnab : ( Laughs and then escalates into a serious tone) THIS PROVES IT ALL! These 'Babas' and 'Dhongi Sadhus' keep running away from my straight questions. But let me make it very clear to them that it wont help them escape free. The questions of the nation still remain unanswered. THE NATION STILL WANTS TO KNOW! Okay my dear viewers, I conclude the show here. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING NEWSHOUR!! I'll see you soon next time. GOOD NIGHT.
*Meanwhile Baba Amjad Khan ( Ajmer Wale) and Nirmal Baba are talking to other channel's news reporters*
Baba Amjad Khan : "He's insane!! I desperately need a 'Booti' now to reduce this stress or else I'll faint."
Nirmal Baba : " Ji unhone kabhi 'maun vrat' dhaaran nahi kiya hai! Yeh usi ka asar hai. Unko kabhi 'Karele ka juice' peekar maun vrat dhaaran karna chaiye, is tarah unpar 'krupa' bani rahegi!"
*In parallel universe Radhe Maa is going all ROFL watching this drama,delighted that she left the show early!*
(The above article doesn't bear any resemblance with real life incidences and is completely imaginary. Any such newshour episode didn't take place in reality. Thank you for reading it! Your comments would be appreciated.)
Kudos until next time my friends!